Deliciously Stephy

Upset, pissed, stressed out, frustrated, lost

October 31st, 2006

Don’t have class in the afternoon today; only one in the evening; but I woke up at 10a.m. — planning to run my errands and Chap’s and then go back to school to study for my DBMS midterm before heading to my evening class.

I made a few phone calls, replied some emails, went grocery shopping, picked up a book at the library and did some laundry.

It was past 3p.m. when I finally arrived at school, and I was not happy.

I planned to come to school earlier to study for my midterm (it’s worth 25%), but there’s simply a list of endless errands to run. My plan’s ruined, and I’m worried about my midterm.
It’s not the first time I feel frustrated about it. I wish Chap could help me a bit.

He always says that I should let him know what I want him to do and he will get them done; but asking him to do stuff is a lot harder than doing it myself because he always delays it to a point that his help is no longer needed.

You know? I’m really tired.

I’m tired of having to keep track of my stuff and also his stuff all the time.

I’m tired of reminding him of this and reminding him of that.

I was really pissed this afternoon when I called him at school about the two tickets of his car. What is so hard about making a call to the ticket fighter — asking about the details of the trial and stuff?

Why do I always care about his stuff more than he does?

Why doesn’t he try to understand?

Or it’s actually my fault that I’m expecting too much from him?
Like last Saturday… I got off from work at 6p.m.. I had to go to Shopppers and Loblaws. I asked him to go with me so that he could help me bring my stuff home and then I could go to some nearby coffee shops to study for my midterms.

Well, I finally didn’t go to study because he wanted me to stay with him before he headed to his friend’s birthday party at 10p.m..  That was okay …… though I wasn’t entirely happy about it.

On Sunday, however, I got called back to work all of a sudden. I agreed to help because that was an urgent need. Besides, they made it easy for me to have someone else to take my Friday shift when I needed to write a test; I dun think it was right of me to refuse to help when I could still make it.

Anyway, Chap was mad at me.  He said I didn’t think about my studies. He said he should have made me go to his friend’s party as I had the time to work.

I was angry, so I brought back what had happened before — how he made me stay with him and I ended up not being able to study.

I dunno…… I don’t mean to complain about him here on my blog.

He actually had made up with me before I went to work. I was glad that he finally understood, and I’m sorry that I bring it up again; but i guess I’m really upset about what happened this afternoon.

My brother just talked to me two days ago about my blog. He said I should stop writing so much here and stop writing stuff that would upset Chapman.

I know! I agree! I don’t mean to make him sad or anything …… it’s just that …… sometimes I really need a place to lash out my feeling.

I’m stressed out ……

Pardon me if I’m not doing the right thing.

I do love him, though.

Entry Filed under: Personal, Relationships/Friends