Deliciously Stephy

dollar eight-five

June 24th, 2007

I went to church by myself today… It was hard… I was about to be overthrown by my sadness. I didn’t want the pain of not having Chap to go to Sunday Worship with me. It seemed that things would be easier if I just went to a library and not go to church…

but I know I can’t give up…… Satan has already successfully stolen Chap from God and created a barrier in our relationship… I can’t listen to my sadness and do the wrong thing… I can’t let Satan win… I must have faith in God…

* * * * *

I felt the warmth of God once I entered the hall. Although I was still feeling very sad, a sense of safety came to my heart.

I started praying once I had settled down at the back of the hall. Singing from the worship team brought me back to the congregation.

I opened the pamphlet for the agenda of today’s sermon and found a leaflet of an upcoming sermon. It said, “if you think you’re a good man and you don’t have to come to church, this is for you.”

I was surprised… isn’t it how Chap always see Christianity? I felt that it was an opportunity to bring Chap back to the church…. but at the same time… I was worried…. I was worried that he might not be happy if I asked him to attend the function. I knew I must be very careful… I had to pray.

* * * * *

Near the end of the Sunday Worship was a time of tithing. I knew I had a $10 note in my purse and some change. $10 is actually less than the amount I earned in the week just passed…… but I hesitated to give it…… I counted the amount of change I had in my coin bag. I saw two loonies.

After some struggle, I put in $10.

* * * * *

I headed downtown after the Sunday Worship. I felt a bit scared of having so little money in my purse….. but $2 + some pennies, nickels, and dimes should be enough for a coffee, which I really needed to help me stay awake in the library. I also had two buns in my backpack. Although they were a-few-day old and I don’t usually eat “BBQ Pork Bun” and “Mexico Bun”…… I was sure that they were eatable.

However, I could only found one loonies when I was in the line at the Timmy’s on College and Yonge. Counting all the coins I had, I found a total of $1.85…… enough for a coffee… but not enough if I added a muffin.

* * * * *

Well… I do have some money in my bank… so I won’t die if I really need a bit more cash…… but I can’t let myself use those money because I need it to pay up my tuition debt.

I have a conviction that God will provide, so I’m not afraid of being poor……

but I’m afraid of losing Chap….. I guess I still haven’t had enough faith in God, trusting that he will always stay by my side and guide me through the darkness.

Entry Filed under: Personal, Relationships/Friends, God