I still love him, but should I let go?
Chap didn’t bring up the problem these two days. We didn’t argue, and we watch TV and have dinner together like we always did.
However, he is like a stranger to me. I’m not sure what he is thinking, how he is feeling. Every hour…… every minute…… every second…… I’m in fear of another big fight with him.
I watch every word that I say, every step that I make…… cuz I’m afraid of upsetting Chap again.
I don’t want to hear his saying how impossible it is for him to let go of what my father said.
I don’t want to hear that there is no way for us to stay together.
I don’t want to know.
I’m tired of crying, and
I’m scared of the pain.
I know the best thing to do now is a short separation. Spending some time apart will let both of us see the problem more clearly….. but I honestly find it very difficult… emotionally and physically.
I’m scared of change.
I don’t want to make any adjustment to my life.
Moreover, I don’t have the money to make the move.
I know we can’t stay like this forever.
I know we’ll have to face the problem one day ……
but I haven’t had the courage and a clear mind to deal with it.
I’m confused… and lost.
Rationality has a different opinion from my own feeling…
On one hand, I can’t imagine what life is like without Chap…
but on the other hand, I doubt if it would always be the happy relationship I used to find between me and Chap.
It is scary to realize that what you’ve always believed in may not be true.
What do I really want?
Anyway, I’d love to express my gratitude to my friends for their caring love, advice, and support.
I didn’t realize before that I had so many great friends who cared about me — give me advice when I’m in doubt, comfort me when I cry.
I truly can feel your support…… and this is what keeps me going.
I’m sorry that I don’t have time to reply your messages.
but I’ve kept your words in my mind.
Thank you…… from the bottom of my heart.
Let me say, I Love You!!!
Add comment June 27th, 2007