Deliciously Stephy

I still love him, but should I let go?

June 27th, 2007

Chap didn’t bring up the problem these two days. We didn’t argue, and we watch TV and have dinner together like we always did.
However, he is like a stranger to me. I’m not sure what he is thinking, how he is feeling. Every hour…… every minute…… every second…… I’m in fear of another big fight with him.

I watch every word that I say, every step that I make…… cuz I’m afraid of upsetting Chap again.

I don’t want to hear his saying how impossible it is for him to let go of what my father said.

I don’t want to hear that there is no way for us to stay together.

I don’t want to know.

I’m tired of crying, and

I’m scared of the pain.

I know the best thing to do now is a short separation. Spending some time apart will let both of us see the problem more clearly….. but I honestly find it very difficult… emotionally and physically.

I’m scared of change.

I don’t want to make any adjustment to my life.

Moreover, I don’t have the money to make the move.

I know we can’t stay like this forever.

I know we’ll have to face the problem one day ……

but I haven’t had the courage and a clear mind to deal with it.

I’m confused… and lost.

Rationality has a different opinion from my own feeling…

On one hand, I can’t imagine what life is like without Chap…
but on the other hand, I doubt if it would always be the happy relationship I used to find between me and Chap.

It is scary to realize that what you’ve always believed in may not be true.

What do I really want?

Anyway, I’d love to express my gratitude to my friends for their caring love, advice, and support.

I didn’t realize before that I had so many great friends who cared about me — give me advice when I’m in doubt, comfort me when I cry.

I truly can feel your support…… and this is what keeps me going.

I’m sorry that I don’t have time to reply your messages.
but I’ve kept your words in my mind.

Thank you…… from the bottom of my heart.

Let me say, I Love You!!!

Entry Filed under: Personal, Relationships/Friends