I want to take this opportunity to thank my friends for their care, support, encouragement, and help.
I can’t survive the last few days without you.
Your willingness to take this homeless girl home, your offer to help with my search of a new home, your little support gift, your calls, your messages are what I’m counting on right now……
I feel so lucky to have known such a good friend like you.
You’re the blessings of my life.
I’m not sure what else I can say and do to express my gratitude for your kindness, and I’m sorry that sometimes I’m not able to reply your messages… but I’ve kept your words in my heart.
Although the problem has not been solved, or there may never be a solution to it …. you’ve already helped me a lot.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Love,
Stephanie
July 4th, 2007
I really really really want to go home — I mean moving back to Chap’s. I miss the warmth and comfort of our home, and I miss Tigger.
Chap has been asking me back since the night I moved out. He said he had found a solution to his problem with my dad; and it was IGNORE MY DAD FOREVER. Seriously, I found it very ridiculous. How could it be a “solution”?
I asked him what he would do if he wanted to marry me.
“Won’t you need to talk to my dad about it?”
“No,” Chap replied. “I don’t have to talk to him. You can talk to him about it.”
“What?” I was very surprised. “So we can’t even have dinner together with my dad?”
“Mmm…. I haven’t thought about that,” Chap answered with doubt, and then continued to persuade me to move back by telling me how much he missed me.
Every time we talked on the phone the same conversation went on again and again. I once challenged him who would support this idea, and he said a friend from work thought it was “okay”.
I don’t know…. I miss him, too; but I’m scared. I’m afraid that things would still be the same if I moved back.
He would still act really cold to me, look unhappy all the time; and then when I couldn’t stand the way he treated me anymore, I would get very upset and we would argue about it again.
The consequence? I would be told once again that he thought we had already broken up since that phone call.
I really can’t go through it again. It was not easy to make this move, especially when I didn’t have the money to rent my own place.
The fear of not having a place to stay, the helplessness, the loss, the stress… the uncertainty… what if they happened again?
Chap doesn’t make me feel secure about our relationship. He’s simply not used to not having me around. He is not thinking straight.
How can I count on what he is telling me now?
What should I do?
July 4th, 2007