Deliciously Stephy

contradiction

July 4th, 2007

I really really really want to go home — I mean moving back to Chap’s. I miss the warmth and comfort of our home, and I miss Tigger.

Chap has been asking me back since the night I moved out. He said he had found a solution to his problem with my dad; and it was IGNORE MY DAD FOREVER. Seriously, I found it very ridiculous. How could it be a “solution”?

I asked him what he would do if he wanted to marry me.

“Won’t you need to talk to my dad about it?”

“No,” Chap replied. “I don’t have to talk to him. You can talk to him about it.”

“What?” I was very surprised. “So we can’t even have dinner together with my dad?”

“Mmm…. I haven’t thought about that,” Chap answered with doubt, and then continued to persuade me to move back by telling me how much he missed me.

Every time we talked on the phone the same conversation went on again and again. I once challenged him who would support this idea, and he said a friend from work thought it was “okay”.

I don’t know…. I miss him, too; but I’m scared. I’m afraid that things would still be the same if I moved back.

He would still act really cold to me, look unhappy all the time; and then when I couldn’t stand the way he treated me anymore, I would get very upset and we would argue about it again.

The consequence? I would be told once again that he thought we had already broken up since that phone call.

I really can’t go through it again. It was not easy to make this move, especially when I didn’t have the money to rent my own place.

The fear of not having a place to stay, the helplessness, the loss, the stress… the uncertainty… what if they happened again?

Chap doesn’t make me feel secure about our relationship. He’s simply not used to not having me around. He is not thinking straight.

How can I count on what he is telling me now?

What should I do?

Entry Filed under: Relationships/Friends