not so anymore ?!
I just finished class, waiting here at Bahen for Chap to pick me up. It is raining heavily outside… a perfect match of how I’m feeling right now.
I looked back how Chap was treating me in the last few days during class, and tears came out of my eyes.
Although Chap isn’t really treating me very badly, he doesn’t show any passion to this “relationship”.
It is me who always wants to kiss him and has his arms around me…… Once again I feel like I’m begging for his love.
He always says that he still loves me very much, but what happened between him and my dad stops him from acting it out.
I know he is telling the truth, but I can’t feel it —I can’t feel his love.
His saying “I Love You” doesn’t get to my heart at all.
I honestly lose hope in this “relationship”. I even doubt if it’s worth it to keep waiting and begging.
It is so painful to stay in this situation that sometimes I want to run away immediately, leave behind everything from the past, and start a new life.
I know I still love him…… I still love him very much…… but I can also feel that I no longer want to keep this relationship as much as I did before.
I know it is hard for Chap to get over what my dad said to him, but knowing this doesn’t really help me ignore how he’s treating me everyday.
Anyway, I’m getting tired. Thanks for reading!
Add comment July 13th, 2007