after break up; before moving out.
Add comment August 24th, 2007
Archive for August, 2007
The first thing God tell me on the first day of our break-up
Today’s Daily Bible Verse on Facebook:
August 15, 2007
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.
But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
1 Peter 4:12-13
親 愛 的 弟 兄 阿 、 有 火 煉 的 試 驗 臨 到 你 們 、 不 要 以 為 奇 怪 、 （ 似 乎 是 遭 遇 非 常 的 事 ）
倒 要 歡 喜 ． 因 為 你 們 是 與 基 督 一 同 受 苦 、 使 你 們 在 他 榮 耀 顯 現 的 時 候 、 也 可 以 歡 喜 快 樂 。
彼 得 前 書 4:12-13
Add comment August 15th, 2007
His mouth is asking me to stay, but his hands are pushing me away
It has been weeks since I last talked about my relationship problem. You may be wondering how things are going on between me and Chap…
Well, I moved out again two weeks ago.
Why? The same reason: Chap was kinda cold to me.
He didn’t want to answer my call.
He didn’t reply my text message.
He didn’t want to hold my hands.
He didn’t want to kiss me.
He didn’t want to hold me.
It seemed to me that he didn’t want to see me at all.
Every time I told him how I was feeling about the way he treated me, he gave me the same answer:
“I still love you very much, but somehow I can’t do it. The only thing I knew right after your dad’s call was we couldn’t be together anymore. Now I know I still want to be with you, but we can’t reverse time. My heart was already broken.”
I tried to understand him. I swallowed all my tears, patiently waiting… but a better tomorrow never came.
More than once did I tell him that I only wanted him to answer my call and reply my text messages, but his answer was always:
“I will try my best.”
It was really very disheartening. Was I asking too much?
No matter how much I wanted to understand his feeling, I couldn’t bring myself to believe that he still loved me.
I asked him why he couldn’t even do such little thing for me. He said,
“Something is missing. I don’t know what it is. I really really want us to go back to the way we were, but I don’t know how. I wish somebody could give me an answer.”
The same conversation came up every other day, and there was never a conclusion.
Finally on August 5 (a Sunday), we reached an agreement:
We would give this relationship a final 2 weeks. We would try our best to work on the problem; but If things still didn’t change much after 2 weeks, we must stop lingering on the problem and break up.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
So…… one week has passed. I doubt if we’ve made any improvement. Yes that our relationship seems a little bit better than before…… but it’s not enough to keep us going.
Today he told me he would go fishing with two friends next week. I felt that he was doing it to avoid me…… like the BBQ thingy he went to last week.
I asked him if he was still trying to hang out with his friends more in order to put aside our problem. He replied that he didn’t know.
Then I asked him if he was still working on our problem. Again he replied that he didn’t know.
For every question that I asked he gave me an “I don’t know”. It made me feel that I was really annoying to him.
He argued that he had told me many times what he was thinking. That is “he didn’t want to break up with me; he still loved me; but he couldn’t find a solution to the problem; he couldn’t even see one.”
Well yes, I know!!!!!! But I thought we were working on the problem; we were trying our best to make things better; we were on our way to the solution, weren’t we?
I didn’t understand why he was still standing at the same place, telling me the same thing. I was not asking too much, but it was definitely not okay to give me the same answer after a whole week of blood and tears.
“He didn’t treasure me.” It was all that I could feel.
I suggested we end our two-week agreement earlier. We should break up.
He was silent for a minute. Then he said he didn’t want to break up with me. He said he wanted me to live in a comfortable place. He would worry about me if I was to live by myself.
But that was not what I wanted. I didn’t need him to worry about my life after the break-up. I needed him to love me.
I insisted that we had to break up.
Then I started making calls to the numbers I had found on classified ads for details on the place that are up for rent.
Chap came out of the bedroom and said, it was not what he wanted; he wanted me to stay. He said he was waiting for a solution, which would pop out itself somehow, and then everything would be solved.
How likely is that? I don’t know.
But I don’t think I can go on like this to wait for a solution he himself says he can’t even see.
I don’t think I can be with one who claims he loves me very much but everything he does is a total opposite.
One more week…… I doubt if there will be much change…… but I’ll keep my promise. I’ll do my best in this week. If it really doesn’t work, we’ll have to break up.
Add comment August 12th, 2007