Deliciously Stephy

How much of a B*tch am I?

According to this test: How Much of A B*tch Are You, on GoToQuiz.com,
I’m 47% Bittch!

It says …… I’m well about half way there to becoming a full out Bittch! I have a little devil and little angel in myself! Right now there are fighting! Maybe the devil will win and I will be a big Bittch!

Hmm…

http://www.gotoquiz.com/how_much_of_a_b_tch_are_you

Add comment July 25th, 2007

I still love him, but should I let go?

Chap didn’t bring up the problem these two days. We didn’t argue, and we watch TV and have dinner together like we always did.
However, he is like a stranger to me. I’m not sure what he is thinking, how he is feeling. Every hour…… every minute…… every second…… I’m in fear of another big fight with him.

I watch every word that I say, every step that I make…… cuz I’m afraid of upsetting Chap again.

I don’t want to hear his saying how impossible it is for him to let go of what my father said.

I don’t want to hear that there is no way for us to stay together.

I don’t want to know.

I’m tired of crying, and

I’m scared of the pain.

I know the best thing to do now is a short separation. Spending some time apart will let both of us see the problem more clearly….. but I honestly find it very difficult… emotionally and physically.

I’m scared of change.

I don’t want to make any adjustment to my life.

Moreover, I don’t have the money to make the move.

I know we can’t stay like this forever.

I know we’ll have to face the problem one day ……

but I haven’t had the courage and a clear mind to deal with it.

I’m confused… and lost.

Rationality has a different opinion from my own feeling…

On one hand, I can’t imagine what life is like without Chap…
but on the other hand, I doubt if it would always be the happy relationship I used to find between me and Chap.

It is scary to realize that what you’ve always believed in may not be true.

What do I really want?

Anyway, I’d love to express my gratitude to my friends for their caring love, advice, and support.

I didn’t realize before that I had so many great friends who cared about me — give me advice when I’m in doubt, comfort me when I cry.

I truly can feel your support…… and this is what keeps me going.

I’m sorry that I don’t have time to reply your messages.
but I’ve kept your words in my mind.

Thank you…… from the bottom of my heart.

Let me say, I Love You!!!

Add comment June 27th, 2007

2 months with Tigger

June 26 …… Tigger is 3-month old today. He still loves biting people’s fingers and toes, and he’s getting even more naughty.

He once played with wires, pulling a speaker down from the top of our TV; and the powerbar that was mounted to the wall behind the TV was knocked off, leaving a mark on the wall.

He also stepped on a switch and turned off all Chapman’s computers……THREE TIMES.

Sometimes he makes us very angry, and we would lock him up in his little home — the kennel we use to carry him out for veterinary visit. That is his jail.

However, no matter how mischievous he is…… he still finds a way to reach my heart…… I can feel that he’s getting more and more important to my life…..

Add comment June 26th, 2007

My strength

Isaiah 40:31
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and will not be faint.

以 賽 亞 書 40:31
但 那 等 候 耶 和 華 的 、 必 從 新 得 力 、 他 們 必 如 鷹 展 翅 上 騰 、 他 們 奔 跑 卻 不 困 倦 、 行 走 卻 不 疲 乏 。

Add comment June 25th, 2007

dollar eight-five

I went to church by myself today… It was hard… I was about to be overthrown by my sadness. I didn’t want the pain of not having Chap to go to Sunday Worship with me. It seemed that things would be easier if I just went to a library and not go to church…

but I know I can’t give up…… Satan has already successfully stolen Chap from God and created a barrier in our relationship… I can’t listen to my sadness and do the wrong thing… I can’t let Satan win… I must have faith in God…

* * * * *

I felt the warmth of God once I entered the hall. Although I was still feeling very sad, a sense of safety came to my heart.

I started praying once I had settled down at the back of the hall. Singing from the worship team brought me back to the congregation.

I opened the pamphlet for the agenda of today’s sermon and found a leaflet of an upcoming sermon. It said, “if you think you’re a good man and you don’t have to come to church, this is for you.”

I was surprised… isn’t it how Chap always see Christianity? I felt that it was an opportunity to bring Chap back to the church…. but at the same time… I was worried…. I was worried that he might not be happy if I asked him to attend the function. I knew I must be very careful… I had to pray.

* * * * *

Near the end of the Sunday Worship was a time of tithing. I knew I had a $10 note in my purse and some change. $10 is actually less than the amount I earned in the week just passed…… but I hesitated to give it…… I counted the amount of change I had in my coin bag. I saw two loonies.

After some struggle, I put in $10.

* * * * *

I headed downtown after the Sunday Worship. I felt a bit scared of having so little money in my purse….. but $2 + some pennies, nickels, and dimes should be enough for a coffee, which I really needed to help me stay awake in the library. I also had two buns in my backpack. Although they were a-few-day old and I don’t usually eat “BBQ Pork Bun” and “Mexico Bun”…… I was sure that they were eatable.

However, I could only found one loonies when I was in the line at the Timmy’s on College and Yonge. Counting all the coins I had, I found a total of $1.85…… enough for a coffee… but not enough if I added a muffin.

* * * * *

Well… I do have some money in my bank… so I won’t die if I really need a bit more cash…… but I can’t let myself use those money because I need it to pay up my tuition debt.

I have a conviction that God will provide, so I’m not afraid of being poor……

but I’m afraid of losing Chap….. I guess I still haven’t had enough faith in God, trusting that he will always stay by my side and guide me through the darkness.

Add comment June 24th, 2007

I pray.

“So many things about our lives are uncertain.
This one thing, however, is sure:
no matter where, when, or how long,
God will be there and will be with us.”

This is something I read in my daily devotional email.

Thank you God!
I really have found great comfort in knowing that I cannot be in a place or time where you are not.

As you should have known, I feel lonely easily…. especially when I’m trying to meet an assignment deadline. I’m sorry.

Father, give me the strength and courage to go through the next 18 hours. Remind me that I’m never alone.

I Love You!

Add comment June 8th, 2007

What is he thinking?

I met up with an old friend before my class on Thursday’s evening.
I was sharing with him my recent conflict with Chap on my ability to deal with guys who seem to be interested in me.

I told this friend a few examples, and then one of those guys appeared in front of me. I couldn’t recognize him at first. I even asked my friend if the guy who was waving at us his friend or not.

Anyway, I thought that was it: a Hi and a Bye. I didn’t expect he would try to talk to me again … cuz what happened before was he avoided me all of a sudden after our first assignment — from the one who asked me to join his family to go pick apples to the one who didn’t even talk to me in class.

Well, I’m not sure why, but I guess it was because he somehow sensed that I was not interested… or maybe he couldn’t stand that he was responsible for the a few marks that we lost in the assignment?

Whatever reason it is, I think it was very mean of him to ignore me all of a sudden. I was always being nice… too nice that I didn’t even say anything when he held my hand all of a sudden. Now what? He emailed me again… telling me that he would be around the campus during the summer……. blah blah blah… I really don’t know what he is thinking…. nor do I know what I’m supposed to do.

I’m not angry at all … I’m just feeling puzzled.

Add comment May 19th, 2007

My life is only 49% perfect *o*

***Your Life is 49% Perfect***

Your life is pretty normal - sometimes great, sometimes not so great.
You have a lot of good stuff going on. Your life may be more perfect than you realize.

How Perfect is Your Life?
http://www.blogthings.com/howperfectisyourlifequiz/

Add comment May 11th, 2007

Questions From Your Girlfriend That Aren’t Really Questions

I posted this article, “Questions From Your Girlfriend That Aren’t Really Questions” on Facebook a while ago, but I didn’t read through the whole thing in details until now… and here’s one of those questions that I’d love to share with you.

Question: “How do I look?”

What it really means: “Tell me I am attractive. Now.”

If there’s one thing human beings cannot stand, it’s the truth – and women are no exception. If your girlfriend walked out of the bathroom with her panties around her neck, mud rubbed in her hair and torn spandex pants, she’d still ask you how she looked and expect a complimentary response. In a way, she’s almost being generous – the boyfriend is given an easy excuse to earn brownie points by sycophantically praising his girlfriend’s physical attributes. Whether or not the boyfriend is lying through his teeth is irrelevant to the girlfriend.

How to deal with it:

Pretend to have your mind focused on something else for a second. Then look back at her, as if you just now realized she ask you something. The moment your eyes hit hers, suddenly act as if you have become overwhelmed with a wave of absolute astonishment – who is this beautiful woman, and how did she get here? Widen your eyes and try to look as childlike as possible, dumbfounded with amazement at her beauty.

These theatrics may seem unnecessary or silly, but one must realize that a simple “you look great” will result in nothing more than an argument and a likely denial of sex for the next 24 hours. If a woman deems it necessary to ask you how she looks, then she’s obviously spent some degree of effort on her appearance, and wants to be rewarded with an unusually positive reaction to it.

Source: http://www.doubleviking.com/questions-from-your-girlfriend-that-aren-t-really-questions-4486-p.html

Add comment April 18th, 2007

I prefer ppl asking for my email to asking for my phone number.

I became in charge of taking customers’ orders (instead of bringing food to the tables) these two weeks at Ajisen Ramen. Not sure if it was the reason… there were 3 guys asking for my phone number in a week. Well, I worked more than usual last week. I worked on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

The guy on Wednesday asked me out at first…

“You free this weekend?”
No, I have to work.

“What about next week?”
No, I have to study. Exams are after next week.

……………..

Well, this guy was fun to talk to…
He was humorous…
but I have a boyfriend.

The guy on Wednesday is the most mature one.
He loves landscaping and beer…
These are two things that I don’t know much about….
so it would be fun to learn something new…
but I guess I should stop being so naive… thinking that they only want to be my friends…

The guy on Sunday…. Hmm… He’s the most “creative” one.
He asked me for more tea… so I went up to his table.
When I was pouring him some more tea, he turned his PDA/Blackberry thingy on the table to my direction… I was a bit puzzled… then he asked me to look at it….

He wrote something there… asking me for my phone number and if I’d be interested in going out for a drink after work.

I told my brother about it later.
His first response was: “Hey! You wear glasses to go to work, right?”
Apparently… he thought I looked really ugly in my glasses… and he was wondering why such a nerdy look could attract people. LOL….

Anyway… no…. I rarely wore glasses to work…but I do agree with my brother that I look better without glasses…. (just better…. cuz I’ve already accepted the fact that I’m too old to look good.)

Another funny thing about talking to my brother about these guys is….
He would say…. “I could use this technique to ask for gal’s phone numbers.” LOL

Add comment April 17th, 2007