after break up; before moving out.
Add comment August 24th, 2007
Posts filed under 'Relationships/Friends'
His mouth is asking me to stay, but his hands are pushing me away
It has been weeks since I last talked about my relationship problem. You may be wondering how things are going on between me and Chap…
Well, I moved out again two weeks ago.
Why? The same reason: Chap was kinda cold to me.
He didn’t want to answer my call.
He didn’t reply my text message.
He didn’t want to hold my hands.
He didn’t want to kiss me.
He didn’t want to hold me.
It seemed to me that he didn’t want to see me at all.
Every time I told him how I was feeling about the way he treated me, he gave me the same answer:
“I still love you very much, but somehow I can’t do it. The only thing I knew right after your dad’s call was we couldn’t be together anymore. Now I know I still want to be with you, but we can’t reverse time. My heart was already broken.”
I tried to understand him. I swallowed all my tears, patiently waiting… but a better tomorrow never came.
More than once did I tell him that I only wanted him to answer my call and reply my text messages, but his answer was always:
“I will try my best.”
It was really very disheartening. Was I asking too much?
No matter how much I wanted to understand his feeling, I couldn’t bring myself to believe that he still loved me.
I asked him why he couldn’t even do such little thing for me. He said,
“Something is missing. I don’t know what it is. I really really want us to go back to the way we were, but I don’t know how. I wish somebody could give me an answer.”
The same conversation came up every other day, and there was never a conclusion.
Finally on August 5 (a Sunday), we reached an agreement:
We would give this relationship a final 2 weeks. We would try our best to work on the problem; but If things still didn’t change much after 2 weeks, we must stop lingering on the problem and break up.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
So…… one week has passed. I doubt if we’ve made any improvement. Yes that our relationship seems a little bit better than before…… but it’s not enough to keep us going.
Today he told me he would go fishing with two friends next week. I felt that he was doing it to avoid me…… like the BBQ thingy he went to last week.
I asked him if he was still trying to hang out with his friends more in order to put aside our problem. He replied that he didn’t know.
Then I asked him if he was still working on our problem. Again he replied that he didn’t know.
For every question that I asked he gave me an “I don’t know”. It made me feel that I was really annoying to him.
He argued that he had told me many times what he was thinking. That is “he didn’t want to break up with me; he still loved me; but he couldn’t find a solution to the problem; he couldn’t even see one.”
Well yes, I know!!!!!! But I thought we were working on the problem; we were trying our best to make things better; we were on our way to the solution, weren’t we?
I didn’t understand why he was still standing at the same place, telling me the same thing. I was not asking too much, but it was definitely not okay to give me the same answer after a whole week of blood and tears.
“He didn’t treasure me.” It was all that I could feel.
I suggested we end our two-week agreement earlier. We should break up.
He was silent for a minute. Then he said he didn’t want to break up with me. He said he wanted me to live in a comfortable place. He would worry about me if I was to live by myself.
But that was not what I wanted. I didn’t need him to worry about my life after the break-up. I needed him to love me.
I insisted that we had to break up.
Then I started making calls to the numbers I had found on classified ads for details on the place that are up for rent.
Chap came out of the bedroom and said, it was not what he wanted; he wanted me to stay. He said he was waiting for a solution, which would pop out itself somehow, and then everything would be solved.
How likely is that? I don’t know.
But I don’t think I can go on like this to wait for a solution he himself says he can’t even see.
I don’t think I can be with one who claims he loves me very much but everything he does is a total opposite.
One more week…… I doubt if there will be much change…… but I’ll keep my promise. I’ll do my best in this week. If it really doesn’t work, we’ll have to break up.
Add comment August 12th, 2007
Things every guy should do for every woman-according to Stephanie
A friend just joined a group called “There Are Just Some Things Every Guy Should Do For Every Woman” on Facebook. It looked really interesting… so I joined the group, too.
Here are the things suggested in the group’s description and my opinions on them.
====================
0. There are always exceptions to this list. The foundational exception is when you actually talk to the her and she says something different than what is included within this list. These suggestions don’t provide you with the holy grail of dating or offer you the Ten Commandments for the Ladies Man, they’re simply a push in the right direction for being a gentleman.
1. Open doors, whether it be to a building or a car, that’s just a given.
“Not that necessary to me; but sure he has to reach out to help when I have a hard time opening a heavy door.”
2. When in a place of worship (or other places that have aisles and pews), if a man is at the end of the pew, when exiting he should stand in the aisle and let all the females go before him.(this seems odd to some people, yet normal for others. if you don’t get it, don’t worry about it, okay?)
“This is what’s called Etiquette/Manner.”
3. A man should tolerate the occasional chick flick (or musical, or opera, or ballet.. whatever her preference is) *without* bitching about it! *(because the guy may just like it).
“I think I want one who shares the same interest with me. The degree of loving something may be different, but it’s not acceptable that he finds what I like so boring that he actually falls asleep. — This only applies to boyfriends. If it is just a friend, I can simply choose to ask other friends to watch it with me.”
4. Play one of the songs that would make any woman weep (but in a good way). A brief list includes, but certainly isn’t limited to:
“You & Me” Lifehouse,
anything by Frank Sinatra,
any rendition of “Everything I Do, I Do it for You”,
“Collide” by Howie Day,
“Out of my League” Steven Speaks,
and “Question” by the Old 97’s. (If you propose to a girl with this song, she is putty in your hands).
(”putty in your hands” is not meant to promote “using women” in any way. This group does not encourage guys to be polite in order to get her into bed.)
“I think I love any meaningful songs he chooses especially for me.
5. Talk! The strong & silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast.
“I hate guys who don’t talk at all or simply reply me with a Yes/No when I was trying so hard to bring up new topics to break the silence.”
6. Find out what her favorite flower is & buy them for her randomly. Good rule of thumb: a single rose says more than dozens of anything else.(I encourage the women to not allow a guy to “prove himself worthy” through gifts and flowers and such. Trust is a precious thing and it should take a good chunk of time before he gains it back in your heart).
“It’s bad if he doesn’t try to find out what my favourite flower is. Gifts and Flowers only prove that he wants to make me happy… but don’t make him trustworthy. Again…this seems to apply to boyfriends only… not to a simple guy friend.”
7. If you miss her, or love her, TELL HER! Even your friends like to hear it every now & again.
“True… I guess. I’m never tired of hearing it from my boyfriend. I guess it is because I’m insecure… so I need him to assure me of his love everyday.”
8. Remember: the best gifts you can give are usually free of cost.
“Free in term of money… not cost.”
9. Leave a note (or send a message) just to say “hi”.
“Yes…… if he treasures our friendship/relationship.”
10. Ask her questions about herself.
“Yes…… I hate guy who only loves to talk about himself.”
11. Dress nice every once & a while. Any girl likes to see her brother/friend/boyfriend/etc. in a well-ironed button up with some nice slacks.
“Guess so… but not required.”
12. PRIDE & PREJUDICE …that’s all I have to say about that (I mean, that should speak for itself and it’s even more impressive if he has read the book).
“No idea.”
13. Tolerate small children as best you can. Meaning, put up with the things that can get annoying. They’re children after all. Show them love and care, teach them how to become a better man than you. (You were once extremely irritating. Get over the obnoxious kids and enjoy getting down to their level - not “for her,” but for the good of yourself and others).
“Agree.”
14. Learn to dance! There is nothing sexier than a man that can dance really well. If God did not bless you with the grace of Fred Astaire, at least put forth the effort, it will be greatly appreciated. Always slow dance (even if its just like you danced in middle school). Also men, sing to a lady. Even in you’re terrible, suck it up! They love to listen to it and will not care what you sound like. It’s the thought that counts on this one. Unless you’re just downright terrible, nothing sexy about that.
“Love the last sentence…… cuz I can think of someone whose singing wouldn’t be very appealing even if he was doing it for me.”
15. Kiss her on the forehead.
“yes … from boyfriends.”
16. When she’s sick, stay up with her. If you can cook (which is always a plus), make her some soup. If you can’t cook, there’s Campbell’s soup at hand for you.
“Yes. I don’t mind if you have to buy it instead of cooking it yourselves.”
17. Pretend to throw her in the pool (or fountain/pond). She’ll fight you, but secretly she loves it. If you really do throw her in, you better jump in yourself. **NOTE** There are some women who just hate this, so you had better do two things: 1) Never allow your buddies be a part of it if you’re unsure of how she feels about getting thrown in and 2) You had better know how she feels about it!
“I’m not quite sure how I would react to it.”
18. Hold her hand while you talk, drive, or just for the hell of it.
” 
”
19. LOOK IN HER EYES, NOT AT HER CHEST!!!!!
“Yes…… staring at my chest… not very respectful… but boyfriends have the right to do it ONCE IN A WHILE……”
20. Stupid jokes = awkwardly adorable moments.
“He should know what kind of stupid joke I like cuz there are some that I REALLY hate.”
21. Tickle her, tease her, let her tease you back with out getting all bent out of shape about it
“No comment.”
22. Don’t call her hot, call her beautiful because that’s what she is.
“Yes… prefer being called Beautiful than Hot.”
23. Offer her your jacket/sweatshirt. (Note: you may not see that particular item of clothing for a while, if ever again).
“Every guy should do it for every woman.”
24. Don’t be too proud to apologize.
“Yes… women, too.”
25. It’s not stalking to watch her sleep if you fall asleep watching a movie. It is stalking to watch her sleep if you’re standing outside her window with night vision goggles.
“?”
26. When she feels at her worst, tell her she looks her best.
“Anything that suggests that I’m not that bad.”
27. If you’re trying to get more than friendship out of the relationship, take it slow.
“Yes.”
28. Because you’re a guy doesn’t mean you are completely incapable of calling when you say you will; it just means you are highly incapable of it. There are few acceptable answers to, “Why didn’t you call?” & being male is not one of them.
“Hate it when they fail to do what they said they would do because it only means one thing: you’re a liar.”
29. Don’t check out other girls in front of your girl friends/sisters/mother, unless you are sincere when you later ask them if you think she could introduce the two of you for more reason than you “want to get some”. Pull this in front of your girlfriend/fiancee/wife, she has every right to clock you in the jaw.
“Yes …… I find it quite disrespectful. If it is my boyfriend, I want him to see me as the most beautiful girl even though I know this is not true.”
30. Guys - Always offer to pay for the date. No matter how expensive it gets, especially if YOU asked HER on the date. (However, a lady can pay for the date now and then. But at least offer to pay initially and be ready to back it up).
“I think so.”
31. Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can. And cheer her up in any way possible.
“It’s like a universal law.”
32. When walking on the sidewalk, always walk on the outside near traffic. (So everyone has a different opinion for how this started. For some it’s because of the human waste that was getting thrown out the windows with this happening a century or more ago. The woman walked under the overhanges extending from the buildings with the guy in the open to take the mess if need be. Others say it’s from the guy’s scabbard/sword being on his left with the woman walking on the right. As for today, it’s the traffic and puddles and whatnot. Just a courtesy thing if it seems necessary.)
“Didn’t really notice it before.”
33. At least do everything in your power to keep cursing to a minimum while around her. If you can, cut it out period while around her, or cut it out of your vocabulary. Women don’t want to hear it, guys don’t care about it, adults don’t want to hear it, it doesn’t impress employers, and you sure won’t want your children or someone else to hear it!
“Yes yes yes …… ”
34. Sometimes you have to take the initiative. Don’t always wait for her to come to you, because if that’s how it always is you’re going to lose her.
“Of course.”
35. If any lady is walking alone to her car in a dark parking lot/garage, or is carrying a heavy load, always offer to help walk her to her destination and carry things, if not the entire load. **This may work a lot better and come off non-stalkerish if you at least know the girl you’re trying to help.
“Strangers offer to help? No no no… it is something dangerous these days.”
36. If a woman says no, let that be her final answer. Do not pressure or force her in any way. Don’t make her give in to something she doesn’t want to do.
“Yes… if and only if my NO is a firm one…. Women love to say NO when their answers are actually a YES.”
37. Always be honest with her. No woman wants or likes a dishonest man. If you can’t be honest with her she can’t trust you, and shows you don’t trust her enough to be honest. Trust, honesty and integrity are just as an integral part of a relationship and just as important as love.
“Agree.”
38. A man should always genuinely listen to women; no matter how boring or busy the man is, actively listening to the woman will keep him from pain [and bring the man and woman closer together]. This works best, of course, when both the man and the woman actively and equally engage in conversation (this includes listening). For the ladies reading this, please talk - always talk - especially if you are having problems with the relationship and to also avoid making bigger problems.
“Women loves talking a lot more than men. Men should try their best to listen to women, and women should try to avoid making talking into nagging.”
Add comment July 31st, 2007
想愛不相愛之間
越近越失望 聲線動作太清楚
沒有了感覺 沒可能從頭再喜歡過
有病就陪自己禱告
疲倦了不寄望能被抱
然而若你擔心我
要知天空跌甚麼也要好好過
Add comment July 22nd, 2007
not so anymore ?!
I just finished class, waiting here at Bahen for Chap to pick me up. It is raining heavily outside… a perfect match of how I’m feeling right now.
I looked back how Chap was treating me in the last few days during class, and tears came out of my eyes.
Although Chap isn’t really treating me very badly, he doesn’t show any passion to this “relationship”.
It is me who always wants to kiss him and has his arms around me…… Once again I feel like I’m begging for his love.
He always says that he still loves me very much, but what happened between him and my dad stops him from acting it out.
I know he is telling the truth, but I can’t feel it —I can’t feel his love.
His saying “I Love You” doesn’t get to my heart at all.
I honestly lose hope in this “relationship”. I even doubt if it’s worth it to keep waiting and begging.
It is so painful to stay in this situation that sometimes I want to run away immediately, leave behind everything from the past, and start a new life.
I know I still love him…… I still love him very much…… but I can also feel that I no longer want to keep this relationship as much as I did before.
I know it is hard for Chap to get over what my dad said to him, but knowing this doesn’t really help me ignore how he’s treating me everyday.
Anyway, I’m getting tired. Thanks for reading!
Add comment July 13th, 2007
I wish there could be an easy way to get over a relationship
I love Chap…. but I feel that I shouldn’t be with him…
Many things are telling me so…
It seems that it is just me who can’t let go…
I’m losing hope again…
Add comment July 12th, 2007